Pharqueson Farms Episode 5: The Fairgrounds

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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 2: More Infrastructure
« Reply #30 on: February 02, 2019, 10:12 PM »
EPISODE 3:  ENTRANCE PLAZA

Bullethead unscrewed the rusty lid of his mason jar very carefully so as not to create a spark.  A couple of his childhood friends had met horrible deaths that way.  The dangerous flammable vapors quickly wafted away, leaving a delicious aroma hinting faintly of Prestone.  Bullethead's staff had also survived this daily survival test; they wore their usual expressions of relaxed tension, or maybe it was tense relaxation, he was never sure which.  Bullethead raised his jar:

"To the 1st part of the actual park!"  They all clinked jars and took moderately deep sips.  When their eyes focused again, Bullethead continued:  "So, show me what's been going on while I've been away."

Jaysef pulled out a couple of large glossies.  "This, Sir, is the entrance to the yet-to-be-built park from the parking lot.  We did our best to make it look all rustic and redneck, which depleted our stash of bad light bulbs.  We did, however, acquire a stash of vintage red lead paint for the sign supports, to make it look less like a modern construction.  The huge sign, complete with maintenance platforms, utterly dwarfs the actual ticket booths below, which we thought set the satirical tone we hope to maintain for the rest of the park."





"You might note, Sir," Jaysef continued, "the barn and silo adjacent to the gate.  We acquired that from another old farm nearby and moved it here.  We also took the historical habit of using rural barns as billboards to a ridiculous extreme, to give notice of the attractions we hope to build here eventually."  Producing another photo, Jaysef went on, "This particular barn serves as the shelter for our line of rental mobility devices.  We got a nice sponsorship deal from one of Fisherman's various 501c3's for this."





Bullethead mulled over the photos, occasionally sipping from his jar.  Eventually, he spoke.  "As much as I hate seeing us Southerners stereotyped, we're the only etho-social group it's still OK to satirize.  And satire sells.  So go for it.  We're here to make money, not friends.  But I have to ask....  Why did you all buy another barn when we already had one on-site?"

"Um, well, Sir," Jaysef replied, "we were planning on using the one here for the petting zoo.  Integrity of the locale and all that, Sir."

"I doubt any of the locals could afford the price of admission and the tourists won't know the difference.  But as long as we actually need 2 barns, I'm OK with it.  Besides, the one on-site lacks a silo and I like how that makes the entrance sign blend in a little.  OK, what's next?"

"Well, Sir," Gergas began, "once through the monstrous gate, customers will be greeted with this rather anti-climactic vista."



"We did, however," Gergas continued, "get a good deal from BBordewyk Atmospheric Lights, Lamps, and Sundries (aka BALLS) to provide illumination not just here but in the rest of the park as well.  They have many models to choose from and a number of them will work here, we think."

"Dammit, Gergas," Bullethead roared, "why does their company get a better acronym than ours?!?!?!?  Now I'll have to stay up all night thinking of something better for us."  Bullethead took a big slug from his jar.

"With all due respect, Sir", Jaysef interjected, "I think the BS part of our acronym is quite fitting and I doubt we could improve upon it."

"I guess you're right, Jaysef," Bullethead eventually agreed.  "Or maybe that's the moonshine talking.  Whatever.  We'll worry about that later.  On with the show!"

Gergas continued, "Sir, the centerpiece of the entrance plaza is this wonderfully restored, fully functional 1938 tractor.  It's on loan from the Wings & Strings Transport World museum."



"How much are we paying them for it?"  Bullethead demanded.

"Very little, actually, Sir," Gergas answered.  "Apparently they needed to free up some space for more awesome stuff, so as long as we don't break it....."

"That's always the catch, ain't it?"  Bullethead responded, and took another drink.  "Well, at least we put a fence around it.  But I worry about the locals wanting to try it out in a tractor pull.  Be sure it's locked down, battery removed, fuel tank drained, and all that.  OK, what's next?"

Gergas continued again.  "No entrance plaza is complete without some lockers, snackbar, and restrooms, Sir.  And we a good deal on a bunch of refurbished shotgun shacks, so we used one of them as the locker building.  And we got paid to remove an old farmhouse from another property that's being turned into a lay-down yard for a fracking operation, so we moved it here and used it for the obligatory snackbar and info kiosk."





Bullethead took another sip and considered the pictures for a while.  Eventually, he said, "Well, that's not quite the worst thing I've seen today.  I guess they'll do.  Next?"

Orbles now took up the tale.  "Sir, as you recall, there's that old Indian mound in this part of the property, which is owned by the state so we had to work around it.  We fenced it off and put up an historical marker."



"In addition, Sir," Orbles continued, "the state partnered with us to build a museum and interpretive center.  Shaped like, but rather bigger than, the sort of house the Indians lived in back in the day, it's all made of concrete, even the roof, instead of wattle-and-daub, cane, and palmetto leaves.  Modern fire codes and all that, Sir.  Ranger Rick sits out front ready to demonstrate flintknapping and making fire by friction, plus explaining the '3 Sisters' system and other indigenous agricultural methods.  The museum is surrounded by a small 'Indian garden' growing corn, squash, gourds, beans, tobacco, and sunflowers.  Inside, besides displays of pre-Columbian local culture, there's a shop that sells Indian tobacco, the other produce, smoked fish, and Ranger Rick's reproduction arrowheads.  As they're on our property, they pay rent and we get a cut of the shop's proceeds, Sir."



"Smoked fish?"  Bullethead asked.

"Yes, Sir," Orbles answered.  "The creek on the property, the headwaters of the Little Chunky River, is full of buffalo fish and will become more so once we build the dam.  DeadEyeDuck's Fishmarket has undertaken to catch and clean some of them for demonstrations of traditional cooking on the original BBQ, the 'barbacoa'."



"I can smell it from here," said Bullethead, inhaling deeply.  "I do like me some traditional cooking!  And we really didn't have much use for that corner anyway, so good initiative.  But I'm worried about all the US fire codes and other regulations.  That's not our strong suit as we usually work in the developing world.  How are we  on that front?"

"Quite well, actually, Sir," Gergas responded.  "As you can see here, Sir, we made the park service road around the rear of the entrance plaza suitable as a fire department access road.  All the buildings are sprinklered and our water tower and pumps give us plenty of pressure.  Here you can see the road and hydrants behind all the buildings, plus one of the pumps to ensure the hydrants all exceed 1500gpm.  The local fire marshal was quite impressed as this is all so far ahead of what's been traditional hereabouts."







"Well, if the fire marshal's happy, I'm happy," Bullethead considered.  "But that's something we'll have to keep an eye on throughout.  So what's that big thing beside the pump?"

"That, Sir," Jaysef replied, "is the pedestrian bridge across State Highway 642.  It connects the entrance plaze to what will, eventually, be the real park area.  We actually had to build this first of all in the best place, then shape the rest of the entrance plaza around it.  As you can see, Sir, we decorated the elevator towers on each end as faux dovecotes while trying to make the rest of the structure resemble an old, rustic, covered bridge.  Not that there were ever any such things around here, Sir, but we're playing to the ignorance of yankee tourists.  Why disillusion them?"



"I like your thinking, Jaysef," Bullethead said.  He took another sip from his jar.  "Anything else?"

"No, Sir," Jaysef replied.  "Just the overview of the entrance plaza.  The parking lot is still on hold pending completion of the salvage archaeology.  Seems there was a small Indian village surrounding the mound, which apparently was the residence of the local chief.  The archaeologists finished the part closest to the mound first, of course, or we wouldn't have been able to build anything yet, Sir.  Agreeing to build the museum hurried things along there, too."



"Very good, gentlemen,"  Bullethead answered.  "I think we're off to a reasonably good start.  We'll press on with what's supposed to be on the other end of that bridge to nowhere.  Let them sift for arrowheads in the pasture all they want.  Until we actually have attractions across the road, there's no point having a parking lot.  Meeting adjourned."
« Last Edit: April 22, 2019, 03:16 PM by Bullethead »
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Offline JB

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #31 on: February 02, 2019, 11:37 PM »
Just spent 45 minutes going through this update, now I'll spend the next 45 minutes writing this comment. :P (JB takes an exploratory swig from his mason jar and wheezes for the next 10 minutes.) Excellent writing, BH. I like how you tell us, the readers, what everything is and your reasons for doing it the way you did, through the dialog of your characters.

Nothin' better than a good thick coat of lead paint to protect the wood from the elements. I suspect we'll be seeing some dead squirrels lying on the ground after succumbing to lead poisoning from gnawing on the posts.

Hmm, I see the potential for a grass fire around that barbacoa pit. Looks like those fire hydrants will come in handy.

I like all the folksy billboards plastered on the barn. And how you set aside that little area for the Indian mound historical marker. Those Kerbals do pretty good work.

I see that your shotgun shack found a place in Pharqueson Farms after shyguy rejected it for his Cottage Contest. :P

The archway under the pedestrian bridge looks great. It adds a lot of visual interest. I like the sign above the bridge: "You just missed Pharqueson Farms..." And of course, ya gotta have the roadkill.

Looking forward to seeing the first rides. (JB takes another tentative sip from his jar... and presses the Post button as he falls to the floor.)

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #32 on: February 03, 2019, 10:25 AM »
Excellent writing, BH. I like how you tell us, the readers, what everything is and your reasons for doing it the way you did, through the dialog of your characters.

Thanks for the thorough look-see :).  The reason I do this is because I build crap and arrange it poorly.  But if I wrap it in buffoonery, maybe the readers will think the crap was an intentional joke and not view it as harshly ;).

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Nothin' better than a good thick coat of lead paint to protect the wood from the elements. I suspect we'll be seeing some dead squirrels lying on the ground after succumbing to lead poisoning from gnawing on the posts.

We can only hope.  Those squirrels will no doubt get us sued for dropping pinecones on customers, stealing their lunches, and otherwise causing problems.

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Hmm, I see the potential for a grass fire around that barbacoa pit. Looks like those fire hydrants will come in handy.

Yeah, not good to leave a fire unattended.  I guess the state parks system needs to hire an assistant for Ranger Rick.  The fire is low and makes more smoke than flame, though.

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I like all the folksy billboards plastered on the barn. And how you set aside that little area for the Indian mound historical marker. Those Kerbals do pretty good work.

Kerbals are nothing if not industrious, but they have questionable tastes and less good sense ;).  Small, isolated Indian mounds like this one are a dime a dozen in this part of the world.  As such, the vast bulk of them get zero attention, especially as they're not very interesting compared to more complex sites.  But hey, if you're going to bring in tourists anyway, might as well point it out to them.

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I see that your shotgun shack found a place in Pharqueson Farms after shyguy rejected it for his Cottage Contest. :P

The one that got shipped to California is still there as far as I know.  Maybe Shyguy donated it to a museum, but BSI certainly didn't haul it back :).  So this is a different one, one of many scattered about the area.  One of the possibilities under consideration for Pharqueson Farms is to make a hotel out of a cluster of them, which actually a thing hereabouts.  Probably run it as an Airbnb-type thing separate from the park proper.

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The archway under the pedestrian bridge looks great. It adds a lot of visual interest. I like the sign above the bridge: "You just missed Pharqueson Farms..." And of course, ya gotta have the roadkill.

Thanks.  Getting peeps across the road was a puzzle.  And no Southern highway is complete without roadkill :)
-Bullethead
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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #33 on: February 03, 2019, 12:20 PM »
nice update - lots to look at. I like the 'sign' building and the entry gate. Nice work.

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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #34 on: February 03, 2019, 03:03 PM »
nice update - lots to look at. I like the 'sign' building and the entry gate. Nice work.

Thanks!  I wasn't sure about the entrance and really I'm still not, but I think it's part of the park's persona now, so I'll probably leave it as-is ;)
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Offline AemJaY

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #35 on: February 04, 2019, 01:44 PM »
ah yeah! another bullethead story! your building style is so unique and your storys are even more! love it!
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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #36 on: February 04, 2019, 02:50 PM »
ah yeah! another bullethead story! your building style is so unique and your storys are even more! love it!

Glad you like.  But I don't have a "style", I just steal things.  The barn, the shotgun shack, and the farmhouse are all copied from examples near where I live.  Even the Indian mound museum I stole from one mound site or another I've visited.  Can't remember which (I've been to most n the Mississippi Valley).  And I'm pretty sure I've seen that bridge somewhere else before, too :)
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Offline AemJaY

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #37 on: February 05, 2019, 05:31 AM »
well you have your style, to adapt what you have seen and bring it into this game ;)
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Offline shyguy

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #38 on: February 05, 2019, 12:00 PM »
I always love your parks. They're always so unique and there's always a nice bit of humor thrown in to boot.
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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #39 on: February 05, 2019, 12:37 PM »
well you have your style, to adapt what you have seen and bring it into this game ;)

Well, if you say so.  I call it taking the easy way out ;)

I always love your parks. They're always so unique and there's always a nice bit of humor thrown in to boot.

Thank you very much!  If by 'unique' you mean 'wrong', then I must agree with you ;)
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Offline shyguy

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #40 on: February 05, 2019, 02:28 PM »
If by 'unique' you mean 'wrong', then I must agree with you ;)
By 'unique', I mean different, imaginative, and always entertaining. :)
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Offline BBordewyk

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #41 on: February 06, 2019, 02:38 PM »
Very cool park! I see you labeled my lamp post, I was confused for a second why my name was in one of your screenshots.  ;D

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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #42 on: February 06, 2019, 06:44 PM »
By 'unique', I mean different, imaginative, and always entertaining. :)

Well, given that I'm the historical human norm with zero imagination while everybody else in this rarefied  atmosphere has decades of experience in park design, "different" and "unique",  in the context of SGW, are euphemisms for "wrong"  :D.  Which is totally OK with me as I know my place.  I'm just happy the doggerel I mix with my pics evokes the occasional chuckle  :up:

Very cool park! I see you labeled my lamp post, I was confused for a second why my name was in one of your screenshots.  ;D

It's my habit and custom to put signs on or near the Workshop items I use, to give credit to the authors.  As you have so many excellent lights and as I plan on using quite a few of them, I thought it best to give you credit up front :D.

BTW, do you like the acronym 'BALLS" for your various light packs?
« Last Edit: February 06, 2019, 06:47 PM by Bullethead »
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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #43 on: February 07, 2019, 01:04 PM »
LOVE THIS!!!!! Such great storytelling and the atmosphere is sublime!
I think like I live like I work like I love.....voluminous and disjointed. Get used to it.

Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #44 on: February 10, 2019, 04:46 AM »
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"I think the BS part of our acronym is quite fitting and I doubt we could improve upon it."

You know something is funny when you're sitting alone in a house and you still do a literal laugh out loud.   :up:

I do like your acronym for BB's products, but shouldn't it be BBALLS?

With the BSI catalog of pre-built coasters, I imagine the actual park will go up rather quickly, and I'm looking forward to it (and the story that accompanies it all.)

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #45 on: February 12, 2019, 09:42 PM »
@Lux:  Thank you very much!  But personally, I think the atmosphere smells of cow pasture :).

@JP:  Glad you like!  I can slap a few coasters in here fairly easily, the problem is making all the stuff in between, which takes imagination I lack.  But I trust that the moonshine spirits will eventually guide me towards something :)
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Offline Lenor

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #46 on: February 13, 2019, 08:28 AM »
WoW !!  :O :up:

Love this Project, so many things you have think of :) Great Details and Lovely Map.
Hope to see more of this :P

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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #47 on: April 30, 2019, 05:19 PM »
Hope to see more of this :P

Thanks!  And here it finally is.  Sorry it's taken so long.



EPISODE 4:  Down on Main Street

Bullethead's battered 1975 Satsuma (a Finnish knock-off of the Datsun 100A) wheezed along Mississippi State Highway 642 trailing a stream of oil smoke.  It was a real Frankencar, built by Bullethead himself from a pile loose parts that originally had come from several donors.  And then it had been driven hard, even rally raced, amongst all the drunk drivers and stampeding moose of rural Finland.  It had the scars to prove it.



Bullethead had no idea how he'd wound up in Finland but it probably had something to do with this:
https://store.steampowered.com/app/516750/My_Summer_Car/  Still, blackout drinking and a private jet had landed him in worse places.  He had no idea where he'd left his jet so he'd driven back in the Satsuma once he remembered where his current job was.  As he rounded the bend and finally spotted the job site, Bullethead immediately noticed that it looked rather different than the last time he'd seen it.  The bridge no longer led to nowhere.



The Satsuma conked out about 100 yards short of Bullethead's trailer office.  Out of habit, Bullethead opened the hood and climbed out with this ratchet set in hand, then realized he never had to fix this damn car again.  So he removed the last Finnish beer from the case in the passenger seat, chugged it down, threw the empty bottle onto the engine which was just beginning to catch fire, and walked the remaining distance.  He'd gone 20 yards before he remembered to look down for snakes.

The Kerbals Jaysef, Gergas, and Orbles had noticed the column of smoke in the parking lot and already had the office set up for a briefing by the time Bullethead walked in.  The cardtable was buried under a stack of photos and mason jars stood ready at each place.  They had long experience at carrying on during their boss' random absences and always being ready for his unannounced returns.  As such, they wore their usual expressions of resigned enthusiasm or, maybe, it was enthusiastic resignation, Bullethead was never sure which. 

Bullethead picked up his jar, clinked those of the Kerbals, and took a  big gulp.  Once his eyes uncrossed and his ears quit steaming, he said, "Gentlemen, it's good to have some good ol' corn squeezin's again!  I'm SO sick of tater peelin's!  Anyway, it's been a long time and I don't recall having any plan whatsoever for what to do next, yet I see you all have been quite busy.  So tell me about it."

"Well, Sir," Jaysef began, "first we finished up the warehouse area and employee parking lot.  Built the wall, around it, put in lightpoles, and also fortified the cold storage warehouse to prevent the locals from stealing the tubing for their stills.  Nothing really fancy, although it was good finally to be able to get some razor wire from ChrisDavidRob.  That would have been handy on Quarantine Island.





"Also, Sir," Jaysef continued, "we wanted to try out our work so far on a group of guinea pigs, which meant we had to hire park staff.  Which meant we had to decide on their uniforms.  I know, Sir, this seems trivial but I think proper staff uniforms go a long way towards supporting the willing suspension of disbelief.  Anyway, we thought a Southern rural work uniform would fit the bill here.

"As you can see in this pic, the janitor looks right at home here with bib overalls repaired with duct tape, a homespun shirt, White Mule gloves, and snake-proof boots for his animal control role.  The mechanics have standard Ducky's blue coveralls and also White Mule gloves.  The ride operators and vendors wear a gimme visor from the Dear John tractor company, homespun shirt, "Daisy Duke" cut-offs, and Brogan shoes."



Bullethead took another swig from his jar.  "I think the cut-offs should be shorter, at least on the girls.  The knee-length shorts just don't look right."

"I know, Sir," Jaysef replied, "but no matter how extravagant our client is in other things, he demanded unisex uniforms for some reason, so this is what we were stuck with."

"Hmmph.  Well, what the client wants, the client gets.  So be it.  Anyway, this new area sounds finished so what's all in it?"

Jaysef showed an overview of the new area.  "This, Sir, is the 'mainstreet' area of the park, separated from the entrance plaza by the unfortunate right-of-way of MS 642.  Once customers cross the bridge, they enter a circular plaza with access to 2 rides and the actual main street of shops and a 3rd ride.  The park and fire department access road encircles this area and the customers will have to cross it, even walk along parts of it, it get into other areas from here.  But that's the cost of doing business in the States.  The access road pretty much follows the trace of the old farm field roads, which have shown the ability for over a century to handle heavy loads."



"Geez, that's an unhandy layout!"  Bullethead exclaimed.  "I can't imagine it working very well.  Who ever heard of a dead-end mainstreet?  But you've already tested it, right?  How'd that go?"

Gergas now took up the tale.  "Well, Sir, the peeps were MOSTLY happy.  After we worked out some of the bugs.  Here you can see the very 1st customers flooding in through the ticket booths (and their sexy cowgirl attendants) which we never got around to showing before."

"Nice uniforms", Bullethead mumbled.



"I agree, Sir," Gergas continued.  "Anyway, we initially brought in a batch of 2000 guinea pigs but this was WAY too many for what's built so far.  Just huge traffic jams outside all the rides.  So we had to shut down immediately, clear them all out, and then only let 500 back in, later raised to 700.  That seems to be about all we have room for at present.

"With that problem solved, Sir," Gergas went on, "here's a tour of what the customers were seeing.  First thing to see coming off the bridge is a circular plaza with a fountain, from which everything else is accessed.  It's got the expected Anetebellum flavor with the azaleas and Greco-Roman column covered in wysteria.  Sadly, we couldn't find use magnolia trees so we had to substitute rhododendrons."



"What?!?!?  Isn't this the 'Magnolia State?'  Don't they grow like weeds around here?"  Bullethead couldn't believe this.

"Well, Sir," Gergas explained, "our client is allergic to magnolias so he forbade us putting any in his park.  I'm surprised he survived childhood in these parts, really.  But pressing on, to the right from the bridge entrance, we come to the 1st ride, 'The Churn'.  It's the shortest type of drop tower set to bounce up and down a lot and surrounded by panels vaguely to resemble an old-school butterchurn.  It required aviation warning lights on top.  The queue is covered by a simple pole barn with tin roof."





"Geez, Gergas, I'd expect the sudden visual change from having a wall right in front of your face to being high in the sky would seriously increase the puke factor of this ride, which is high enough to begin with."  Bullethead shuddered and took another slug from his jar.

"Yes, Sir," Gergas answered, "we thought so, too.  That's why we built a 1st Aid station next door to 'The Churn'.  We named it after the last and greatest blend of 'snake oil', advertised by the last and greatest of the 'medicine shows' which was filled with contemporary celebrities still famous today.  Of course, its inventor was a Lousy Anna, not Miss Issippee, politician, but it was as famous here as there."



"Ah yes," Bullethead mused between sips from his jar, "Dudley J. LeBlanc.  One of my heroes and a distant cousin.  An utter and complete scoundrel who totally got away with it, as most Lousy Anna pols do.  His 'Hadacol Caravan' had all the big show-biz names of the day in it.  I drink to his shade."

Everybody clinked jars and drank deeply.  Dudley J. LeBlanc was one of the patron saints of the Kerbals as well.  When their vision had cleared sufficiently to focus on the photos again, Bullethead asked, "So, what's next?"

Gergas, due to being undead, had recovered faster and was ready.  "Well, Sir, if it's any consolation, we also had some celebs show up for the initial Pharqueson Farms test.  JP and DutchChef.  Both enjoyed the park enough to buy balloons.  DutchChef apparently researched the Hellish local climate and dressed like a local going to high school prom.  JP, however, must have been on the verge of dying from the heat, still dressed for his native permafrost."



"That was very nice of them," Bullethead said with surprise.  "I'm quite flattered.  And I can't believe JP especially had time to come here, what with Peony Park II being on the verge of opening."

"Yes, Sir," Gergas agreed.  "We were quite surprised, too.  Anyway, to the left from the bottom of the bridge is the 1st coaster of the park, 'Bush-Hoggin''.  It's just a repainted example of our standard BSI pirated copy of the Preston & Barbieri 'Anaconda 2.0' ride we've made over 200 examples of across the world.  It purports to give the experience of mowing the weeds off a disused pasture.  We originally planned on a sponsorship from Dear John tractors but they backed out at the last minute.  Fortunately, Nasty-Finkeson tractors jumped on the opportunity but then we had to repaint everything, including the tractor we'd already stolen from R3dDragon's dealership.  So the track, which was originally painted in Dear John green, got re-imagined as the green of the weeds being mown down."







"Hmm," mused Bullethead, "I always called them 'Nasty-Fingerson'."

"That's actually the correct name," Jaysef interjected, "but that wouldn't fit on the sign, so we came up with a compromise."

"Good inishitiv," Bullethead slurred.  He took another sip.  "OK, so where's the mainstreet thing?"

"I'm glad you asked, Sir," answered Orbles.  "Its entrance is directly across the fountain plaza from the end of the bridge.  We built a whole imaginary town here called 'Chukushmi', a Choctaw word meaning 'sandy land', appropriate to the loess here.



"While 'Chukushmi' never was, as far as we can tell, Sir, the name of a real town," Orbles went on, "it certainly wouldn't be out of place amongst the local toponyms.  And all the buildings are lifted in spirit from any small old town within a 100-mile radius.  It's supposed to look like a typical Depression-era Southern small town, most of which have yet to realize that the Depression is long over."

"Ain't that the truth," Bullethead mumbled while taking another swig.

"Yes, Sir," Orbles continued.  "As such, this imaginary town has the stereotypical buildings of such a place.  A plain-Jane general store, a Victorian Horror of a bank, an old town house turned into a tourist trap, and an ancient gas station much added-onto to become a (locally) chic restaurant.  There's also a bit of a town park with an ostensibly portable ride in it.

"The store, Sir, not only sells the usual park trinkets but also has a weekly 'antique' auction allowing the locals to sell off the old junk in their barns to unknowing yankee tourists.



"And the bank, Sir," continued Orbles, "not only houses an ATM for customers but also still forecloses on loans made to local scrub farmers.  It's currently hosting a show of vintage autos from the Wings & Strings Transportation Museum.



"Then, of course, Sir, there's 'Granny's Goodies', the typical old town house selling Malaysian imitation pralines but passing them off as home-cooking.  It has some lovely ceiling fans by Lounap211 on the porch that actually work, way better than the non-working ones we made out of giant mosquito wings for Quarantine Island."





"Thazza good scam, the....(hic)...  home-made goodies..."  The moonshine was clearly welcoming Bullethead home by now.

"I agree, Sir.  One of the best.  Next, we have 'Around Town', a spin-and-puke ferris wheel in 'Chukushmi Park'.  Nothing really special.  It's in town and it goes around; hence, the name.  We were at a loss for anything better."



"Gimme 'nother jar'n I'll think a-(hic)-bout it," Bullethead slobbered.  "En vin est verité....(hic)"  Jaysef scrambled to get Bullethead another mason jar but, after imbibing several fingers of it, Bullethead was no closer to a better name for this ride.  Which was just as well as the signage for the current name was already in place.

Eventually, Orbles resumed.  "Finally, Sir, we have the premier attraction of the Chukushmi mainstreet, 'Bubba's Cafe'.  As the main eatery planned for the park, we tried to give it an interesting, yet still typical, history.



"This all hypothetically began, Sir, a couple generations back with 'Papa's Place', your typical rustic filling station and bait stand with the obligatory large jars of pickled pigs' lips and feet next to the cash register.  Basically, you're typical Depression-era convenience store.



"A generation later, Sir, Papa's son Bubba expanded the building with a 2-bay garage to cater to the growing number of redneck hotrodders in the neighborhood.  He also added a small kitchen to serve plate lunches.



"Evnetually, Sir, Bubba realized the lunch counter was the only part of the operation making money so expanded that into a full restaurant, turning the repair bays into dining rooms, resulting in the composite building seen in the 1st pic.  He left the gas pumps and some junk from the garage for scenery.  This includes the stripped carcass of one of the refer trucks used to make the coolers for the kitchen."



"Damn,"  Bullethead seemed to sober up a bit with the adrenaline of remembered battles, "I've tried unsuccessfully to keep such places from burning down several times.  These buildings are always firetraps due to wiring dating to many different eras all haphazardly spliced together.  How did you get this past the local fire marshal?"

"Simple, Sir," Orbles answered.  "This is a brand-new building just made to look like an old one.  The wiring is all up to modern code, it's fully sprinklered, and there are a couple of hydrants immediately adjacent. This also applies to all the 'Chukushmi' buildings, as you can see in these shots from the back."





"Well, that's nice to see."  Bullethead took another swig.  "I wouldn't be in this business if I cared about the customers but I don't want the law running me out of the States before I can build my brand here.  Good job!  But now I have to ask, what's this area look like at night?"

"Not too shabby," Orbles replied.  "We continued to use various lights from BALLS (Bbordewyk's Atmospheric Lights, Lamps, and Sundries) and the effect is reasonably good.  Also, we rigged up some nifty flashing lights running up the coaster's lift."





The local volunteer fire department had by now finished extinguishing the remains of the Satsuma and investigating the cause of the fire.  The captain in charge of the scene now knocked on the trailer's door and let himself right in.

"Mr. Bullethead?  Sorry about your car.  We weren't able to save anything.  The fire seems to have started in some faulty wiring under the hood and was accelerated by what appears to have been a trunk full of moonshine, although we're not sure as this liquid was in plastic juice bottles, not mason jars.  But hey, them new hydrants you put in work like champs!"

"Well, I never liked that car anyway.  It had no insurance, either.  Nor even a title as I built it out of spare parts.
 So if there's enough left, I give it to your department to cut up in training.  Enjoy."

"Thankee, Mr. Bullethead.  I'll call my uncle Skeeter to tow the thing back to the station.  Hope the rest of your day goes better."  With that, the firemen left.

Bullethead took another swing from his jar, his drunkenness suddenly returning.  "OK, gen'lmens, I can't think no more today.  An' I'm shur them on t'other side'a the 4th wall were reachin' fer their own bottles long since.  So we'll call me all caught up now, an' I'm off t'bed."

Tune in next time for more of the slow spiral into damnation.
« Last Edit: April 30, 2019, 06:01 PM by Bullethead »
-Bullethead
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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 4: Down on Mainstreet
« Reply #48 on: April 30, 2019, 06:09 PM »
Well crap, where to begin...

REALLY love The Churn, extremely clever and well done theming for a flat.  And I kind of like the lesser-themed Anaconda, I seem to recall that being one of my favorites of your coasters.   I like the non-standard park layout with rides off the entrance and the mainstreet off to the side, dead end as it may be.  Great job on the gas station, I feel like I drove past about 20 of those on my way to the park.  That is pretty much what they look like.  The realistic backstage details and the whole infrastructure you built before the park are amongst, if not, the best I've seen.  Well done shoutouts to all the TMNT* creators.

Really enjoyed my brief time in the park.  I was fortunate that PPII kicked me out for the weekend, apparently because I was "micro managing" and "getting in the way."  Whatever.  But the joke's on them because now I have lots of ideas to bring back with me and implement before the park opens. 

*(let's face it, "TMNT" rolls off fast typing fingers much easier than "TMTK" so why pretend?)

Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 4: Down on Mainstreet
« Reply #49 on: April 30, 2019, 08:40 PM »
Phew - I really want to read this, but my energy level was shutting down for the night already...so I will grab some coffee in the morning and read through this in way more detail...can't wait!!!

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Offline JB

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 4: Down on Mainstreet
« Reply #50 on: April 30, 2019, 09:32 PM »
I really enjoy your storytelling, Bullethead. At least as much as the pictures. That's also my approach: Tell a fun & interesting story and accompany it with some nice screenshots. I liked Granny's Goodies. That sneaky old gal- importing her (imitation) pralines from Malaysia.

Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 4: Down on Mainstreet
« Reply #51 on: May 01, 2019, 04:52 AM »
Ha. That was a great story to wrap around the photos of your park. Glad to see that you are back at this...both building and writing.

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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 4: Down on Mainstreet
« Reply #52 on: May 01, 2019, 07:50 AM »
REALLY love The Churn, extremely clever and well done theming for a flat.  And I kind of like the lesser-themed Anaconda, I seem to recall that being one of my favorites of your coasters.   I like the non-standard park layout with rides off the entrance and the mainstreet off to the side, dead end as it may be.  Great job on the gas station, I feel like I drove past about 20 of those on my way to the park.  That is pretty much what they look like.  The realistic backstage details and the whole infrastructure you built before the park are amongst, if not, the best I've seen.  Well done shoutouts to all the TMNT* creators.

Thank you very much.  I wasn't sure how The Churn would go over. OT1H, it's recognizable for what it's supposed to be and fits the whole farm thing.  But OTOH, it's a simple, abstract structure, octagonal instead of round, with no detail on the inside.  And as mentioned, the ride experience is rather jarring visually ;).

It's really hard to do much theming along the tracks of compact coasters like the Anaconda.  Most of the ride's volume is occupied by the supports and the train has to go through what's left.  But this coaster is still far and away the most part-heavy thing currently in the park and is likely to remain so.  The custom supports, the station, and the several mechanical sheds add up to about 2000 parts.  R3dDragon's tractor model is another 1200 by itself and the mower attachment is about 250.  To this I added a few hundred more in the form of lights, fencing, weeds, and a few of Bborewyk's lights.  Thus, all in all, this 1 coaster is pushing 4000 parts  :o.  And I had to repaint both the supports and the tractor  :'(.  So I figured that was enough "theming"  :P.  For comparison, the pedestrian bridge is about 1500 parts and none of the buildings exceed 400.

And thanks for thinking the gas station/restaurant looks real.  I'm kinda proud of that one.  It's at the end of the dead-end mainstreet to be the weenie for that appendage ;).

The layout was kinda forced by the lay of the land but I rather like it.  I've never been a fan of the Disney layout forcing everybody to trudge along mainstreet before being able to do anything fun.  It looks cool but I personally find it annoying because I don't visit parks to go shopping and begrudge the loss of time and energy on the way to the rides.  So here, as soon as you're off the bridge you've got rides to either side and the main path to more rides straight ahead, with mainstreet off to the side.  Which, when you think about it, is kinda like how they've built by-passes around many small towns like Chukushmi in real life :).

Quote
Really enjoyed my brief time in the park.  I was fortunate that PPII kicked me out for the weekend, apparently because I was "micro managing" and "getting in the way."  Whatever.  But the joke's on them because now I have lots of ideas to bring back with me and implement before the park opens.

Glad you could make it but I don't see how you'd find any ideas here useful :)

Quote
*(let's face it, "TMNT" rolls off fast typing fingers much easier than "TMTK" so why pretend?)

I just use TMT as "toolkit" is 1 word and I'm lazy ;)

I really enjoy your storytelling, Bullethead. At least as much as the pictures. That's also my approach: Tell a fun & interesting story and accompany it with some nice screenshots. I liked Granny's Goodies. That sneaky old gal- importing her (imitation) pralines from Malaysia.

Thanks!  My single skill in life is being sarcastic so I use that to gloss over my clumsy attempts at building stuff ;).

Ha. That was a great story to wrap around the photos of your park. Glad to see that you are back at this...both building and writing.

Thanks.  Yeah, that episode was REALLY too long.  My apologies.  Even I was going braindead before the end of it.  I try to limit myself to 15 pics as a usual thing but this was twice that.  I guess there are no long vistas that could show multiple things at once.  It's a very cramped park.  Anyway, I was getting so braindead myself that I forgot to show something important, so here it is, without further ado.



One of the constraints I put on this map, had it been selected for last year's contest, was that the local Hysterical Society demanded that the old Pharqueson farmhouse be preserved somehow.  You could move it anywhere on the map, refurbish it if desired, and use it for any purpose, you just couldn't destroy it or change its shape.

So, what I did with it here was drag it over to the plaza end of the mainstreet, between the Bush-Hoggin' coaster and the general store.  The main path out of this area runs between it and the general store, so it's like just outside the city limits still.  Otherwise, I merely slapped some fresh paint on the walls and straightened up the weathervane.

Conceptually, the farmhouse is supposed to be a museum of agricultural history and pre-industrial farm skills.  So it's got an historical marker out front.  And to get peeps actually to go inside it, it contains the only restroom in this area of the park ;).



Thinking about it now, I think it should have a sign saying what it is.

-Bullethead
NIHIL INIQVIVS QVAM ÆQVITATEM NIMIS INTENDERE
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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 4: Down on Mainstreet
« Reply #53 on: May 01, 2019, 08:07 AM »
looks good - I like the small detail of the window air unit (I think thats what that is?!!?)

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Offline Tillietwos

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 4: Down on Mainstreet
« Reply #54 on: May 01, 2019, 09:24 AM »

Bullethead, Your story line and BP's are amazing.  I enjoy so much reading the stories you write to go along with your builds.

Looking forward for the next episode.

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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 4: Down on Mainstreet
« Reply #55 on: May 01, 2019, 11:01 AM »
looks good - I like the small detail of the window air unit (I think thats what that is?!!?)

Yup, that's what those are.  For some reason, the blocking panels beside the one on the 2nd floor aren't showing.  I'll have to go back and fix that.

HINT to TMT artists:  please make several sizes of window AC units ;)

Bullethead, Your story line and BP's are amazing.  I enjoy so much reading the stories you write to go along with your builds.
Looking forward for the next episode.

Glad you liked it.  Granny's Goodies was inspired by your work although I'm utterly incapable of making something anywhere near as cutesy.  This was actually my 1st attempt at actually using the candy pieces for their intended purpose, although I have used quite a few of them for other things ;)
-Bullethead
NIHIL INIQVIVS QVAM ÆQVITATEM NIMIS INTENDERE
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Offline Fisherman

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 4: Down on Mainstreet
« Reply #56 on: May 01, 2019, 02:10 PM »
Oh dear!  You did tons of work!  It looks fantastic, buddy!

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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 4: Down on Mainstreet
« Reply #57 on: May 01, 2019, 03:22 PM »
Oh dear!  You did tons of work!  It looks fantastic, buddy!

Thank you very much.  But it really wasn't that much work.  The coaster was off-the-shelf, it just needed about 3 hours of repainting.  The Pharqueson house was already built, too.  So I just made 4 small buildings, none of them very complex, 1 ride skin, and 2 simple pole barn queue roofs.  It really didn't take that much time.  The hardest part was arguing with the paths inside the restaurant, which I'm still not happy with.
-Bullethead
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Offline Berlin87

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 4: Down on Mainstreet
« Reply #58 on: May 02, 2019, 02:28 AM »
Your creative storyline turns this project from "fascinating" into "extremely interesting".  I love the rustic atmosphere of this park. Great work, BH!

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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 4: Down on Mainstreet
« Reply #59 on: May 02, 2019, 07:33 AM »
Your creative storyline turns this project from "fascinating" into "extremely interesting".  I love the rustic atmosphere of this park. Great work, BH!

Thanks :)  I'm glad somebody reads through the wall o' text.  Sorry this one was so long.
-Bullethead
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