Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza

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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 2: More Infrastructure
« Reply #30 on: February 02, 2019, 10:12 PM »
EPISODE 3:  ENTRANCE PLAZA

Bullethead unscrewed the rusty lid of his mason jar very carefully so as not to create a spark.  A couple of his childhood friends had met horrible deaths that way.  The dangerous flammable vapors quickly wafted away, leaving a delicious aroma hinting faintly of Prestone.  Bullethead's staff had also survived this daily survival test; they wore their usual expressions of relaxed tension, or maybe it was tense relaxation, he was never sure which.  Bullethead raised his jar:

"To the 1st part of the actual park!"  They all clinked jars and took moderately deep sips.  When their eyes focused again, Bullethead continued:  "So, show me what's been going on while I've been away."

Jaysef pulled out a couple of large glossies.  "This, Sir, is the entrance to the yet-to-be-built park from the parking lot.  We did our best to make it look all rustic and redneck, which depleted our stash of bad light bulbs.  We did, however, acquire a stash of vintage red lead paint for the sign supports, to make it look less like a modern construction.  The huge sign, complete with maintenance platforms, utterly dwarfs the actual ticket booths below, which we thought set the satirical tone we hope to maintain for the rest of the park."





"You might note, Sir," Jaysef continued, "the barn and silo adjacent to the gate.  We acquired that from another old farm nearby and moved it here.  We also took the historical habit of using rural barns as billboards to a ridiculous extreme, to give notice of the attractions we hope to build here eventually."  Producing another photo, Jaysef went on, "This particular barn serves as the shelter for our line of rental mobility devices.  We got a nice sponsorship deal from one of Fisherman's various 501c3's for this."





Bullethead mulled over the photos, occasionally sipping from his jar.  Eventually, he spoke.  "As much as I hate seeing us Southerners stereotyped, we're the only etho-social group it's still OK to satirize.  And satire sells.  So go for it.  We're here to make money, not friends.  But I have to ask....  Why did you all buy another barn when we already had one on-site?"

"Um, well, Sir," Jaysef replied, "we were planning on using the one here for the petting zoo.  Integrity of the locale and all that, Sir."

"I doubt any of the locals could afford the price of admission and the tourists won't know the difference.  But as long as we actually need 2 barns, I'm OK with it.  Besides, the one on-site lacks a silo and I like how that makes the entrance sign blend in a little.  OK, what's next?"

"Well, Sir," Gergas began, "once through the monstrous gate, customers will be greeted with this rather anti-climactic vista."



"We did, however," Gergas continued, "get a good deal from BBordewyk Atmospheric Lights, Lamps, and Sundries (aka BALLS) to provide illumination not just here but in the rest of the park as well.  They have many models to choose from and a number of the will work here, we think."

"Dammit, Gergas," Bullethead roared, "why does their company get a better acronym than ours?!?!?!?  Now I'll have to stay up all night thinking of something better for us."  Bullethead took a big slug from his jar.

"With all due respect, Sir", Jaysef interjected, "I think the BS part of our acronym is quite fitting and I doubt we could improve upon it."

"I guess you're right, Jaysef," Bullethead eventually agreed.  "Or maybe that's the moonshine talking.  Whatever.  We'll worry about that later.  On with the show!"

Gergas continued, "Sir, the centerpiece of the entrance plaza is this wonderfully restored, fully functional 1938 tractor.  It's on loan from the Wings & Strings Transport World museum."



"How much are we paying them for it?"  Bullethead demanded.

"Very little, actually, Sir," Gergas answered.  "Apparently they needed to free up some space for more awesome stuff, so as long as we don't break it....."

"That's always the catch, ain't it?"  Bullethead responded, and took another drink.  "Well, at least we put a fence around it.  But I worry about the locals wanting to try it out in a tractor pull.  Be sure it's locked down, battery removed, fuel tank drained, and all that.  OK, what's next?"

Gergas continued again.  "No entrance plaza is complete without some lockers, snackbar, and restrooms, Sir.  And we a good deal on a bunch of refurbished shotgun shacks, so we used one of them as the locker building.  And we got paid to remove an old farmhouse from another property that's being turned into a lay-down yard for a fracking operation, so we moved it here and used it for the obligatory snackbar and info kiosk."





Bullethead took another sip and considered the pictures for a while.  Eventually, he said, "Well, that's not quite the worst thing I've seen today.  I guess they'll do.  Next?"

Orbles now took up the tale.  "Sir, as you recall, there's that old Indian mound in this part of the property, which is owned by the state so we had to work around it.  We fenced it off and put up an historical marker."



"In addition, Sir," Orbles continued, "the state partnered with us to build a museum and interpretive center.  Shaped like, but rather bigger than, the sort of house the Indians lived in back in the day, it's all made of concrete, even the roof, instead of wattle-and-daub, cane, and palmetto leaves.  Modern fire codes and all that, Sir.  Ranger Rick sits out front ready to demonstrate flintknapping and making fire by friction, plus explaining the '3 Sisters' system and other indigenous agricultural methods.  The museum is surrounded by a small 'Indian garden' growing corn, squash, gourds, beans, tobacco, and sunflowers.  Inside, besides displays of pre-Columbian local culture, there's a shop that sells Indian tobacco, the other produce, smoked fish, and Ranger Rick's reproduction arrowheads.  As they're on our property, they pay rent and we get a cut of the shop's proceeds, Sir."



"Smoked fish?"  Bullethead asked.

"Yes, Sir," Orbles answered.  "The creek on the property, the headwaters of the Little Chunky River, is full of buffalo fish and will become more so once we build the dam.  DeadEyeDuck's Fishmarket has undertaken to catch and clean some of them for demonstrations of traditional cooking on the original BBQ, the 'barbacoa'."



"I can smell it from here," said Bullethead, inhaling deeply.  "I do like me some traditional cooking!  And we really didn't have much use for that corner anyway, so good initiative.  But I'm worried about all the US fire codes and other regulations.  That's not our strong suit as we usually work in the developing world.  How are we  on that front?"

"Quite well, actually, Sir," Gergas responded.  "As you can see here, Sir, we made the park service road around the rear of the entrance plaza suitable as a fire department access road.  All the buildings are sprinklered and our water tower and pumps give us plenty of pressure.  Here you can see the road and hydrants behind all the buildings, plus one of the pumps to ensure the hydrants all exceed 1500gpm.  The local fire marshal was quite impressed as this is all so far ahead of what's been traditional hereabouts."







"Well, if the fire marshal's happy, I'm happy," Bullethead considered.  "But that's something we'll have to keep an eye on throughout.  So what's that big thing beside the pump?"

"That, Sir," Jaysef replied, "is the pedestrian bridge across State Highway 642.  It connects the entrance plaze to what will, eventually, be the real park area.  We actually had to build this first of all in the best place, then shape the rest of the entrance plaza around it.  As you can see, Sir, we decorated the elevator towers on each end as faux dovecotes while trying to make the rest of the structure resemble an old, rustic, covered bridge.  Not that there were ever any such things around here, Sir, but we're playing to the ignorance of yankee tourists.  Why disillusion them?"



"I like your thinking, Jaysef," Bullethead said.  He took another sip from his jar.  "Anything else?"

"No, Sir," Jaysef replied.  "Just the overview of the entrance plaza.  The parking lot is still on hold pending completion of the salvage archaeology.  Seems there was a small Indian village surrounding the mound, which apparently was the residence of the local chief.  The archaeologists finished the part closest to the mound first, of course, or we wouldn't have been able to build anything yet, Sir.  Agreeing to build the museum hurried things along there, too."



"Very good, gentlemen,"  Bullethead answered.  "I think we're off to a reasonably good start.  We'll press on with what's supposed to be on the other end of that bridge to nowhere.  Let them sift for arrowheads in the pasture all they want.  Until we actually have attractions across the road, there's no point having a parking lot.  Meeting adjourned."
-Bullethead
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Offline JB

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #31 on: February 02, 2019, 11:37 PM »
Just spent 45 minutes going through this update, now I'll spend the next 45 minutes writing this comment. :P (JB takes an exploratory swig from his mason jar and wheezes for the next 10 minutes.) Excellent writing, BH. I like how you tell us, the readers, what everything is and your reasons for doing it the way you did, through the dialog of your characters.

Nothin' better than a good thick coat of lead paint to protect the wood from the elements. I suspect we'll be seeing some dead squirrels lying on the ground after succumbing to lead poisoning from gnawing on the posts.

Hmm, I see the potential for a grass fire around that barbacoa pit. Looks like those fire hydrants will come in handy.

I like all the folksy billboards plastered on the barn. And how you set aside that little area for the Indian mound historical marker. Those Kerbals do pretty good work.

I see that your shotgun shack found a place in Pharqueson Farms after shyguy rejected it for his Cottage Contest. :P

The archway under the pedestrian bridge looks great. It adds a lot of visual interest. I like the sign above the bridge: "You just missed Pharqueson Farms..." And of course, ya gotta have the roadkill.

Looking forward to seeing the first rides. (JB takes another tentative sip from his jar... and presses the Post button as he falls to the floor.)

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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #32 on: February 03, 2019, 10:25 AM »
Excellent writing, BH. I like how you tell us, the readers, what everything is and your reasons for doing it the way you did, through the dialog of your characters.

Thanks for the thorough look-see :).  The reason I do this is because I build crap and arrange it poorly.  But if I wrap it in buffoonery, maybe the readers will think the crap was an intentional joke and not view it as harshly ;).

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Nothin' better than a good thick coat of lead paint to protect the wood from the elements. I suspect we'll be seeing some dead squirrels lying on the ground after succumbing to lead poisoning from gnawing on the posts.

We can only hope.  Those squirrels will no doubt get us sued for dropping pinecones on customers, stealing their lunches, and otherwise causing problems.

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Hmm, I see the potential for a grass fire around that barbacoa pit. Looks like those fire hydrants will come in handy.

Yeah, not good to leave a fire unattended.  I guess the state parks system needs to hire an assistant for Ranger Rick.  The fire is low and makes more smoke than flame, though.

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I like all the folksy billboards plastered on the barn. And how you set aside that little area for the Indian mound historical marker. Those Kerbals do pretty good work.

Kerbals are nothing if not industrious, but they have questionable tastes and less good sense ;).  Small, isolated Indian mounds like this one are a dime a dozen in this part of the world.  As such, the vast bulk of them get zero attention, especially as they're not very interesting compared to more complex sites.  But hey, if you're going to bring in tourists anyway, might as well point it out to them.

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I see that your shotgun shack found a place in Pharqueson Farms after shyguy rejected it for his Cottage Contest. :P

The one that got shipped to California is still there as far as I know.  Maybe Shyguy donated it to a museum, but BSI certainly didn't haul it back :).  So this is a different one, one of many scattered about the area.  One of the possibilities under consideration for Pharqueson Farms is to make a hotel out of a cluster of them, which actually a thing hereabouts.  Probably run it as an Airbnb-type thing separate from the park proper.

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The archway under the pedestrian bridge looks great. It adds a lot of visual interest. I like the sign above the bridge: "You just missed Pharqueson Farms..." And of course, ya gotta have the roadkill.

Thanks.  Getting peeps across the road was a puzzle.  And no Southern highway is complete without roadkill :)
-Bullethead
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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #33 on: February 03, 2019, 12:20 PM »
nice update - lots to look at. I like the 'sign' building and the entry gate. Nice work.

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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #34 on: February 03, 2019, 03:03 PM »
nice update - lots to look at. I like the 'sign' building and the entry gate. Nice work.

Thanks!  I wasn't sure about the entrance and really I'm still not, but I think it's part of the park's persona now, so I'll probably leave it as-is ;)
-Bullethead
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Offline AemJaY

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #35 on: February 04, 2019, 01:44 PM »
ah yeah! another bullethead story! your building style is so unique and your storys are even more! love it!
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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #36 on: February 04, 2019, 02:50 PM »
ah yeah! another bullethead story! your building style is so unique and your storys are even more! love it!

Glad you like.  But I don't have a "style", I just steal things.  The barn, the shotgun shack, and the farmhouse are all copied from examples near where I live.  Even the Indian mound museum I stole from one mound site or another I've visited.  Can't remember which (I've been to most n the Mississippi Valley).  And I'm pretty sure I've seen that bridge somewhere else before, too :)
-Bullethead
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Offline AemJaY

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #37 on: February 05, 2019, 05:31 AM »
well you have your style, to adapt what you have seen and bring it into this game ;)
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Offline shyguy

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #38 on: February 05, 2019, 12:00 PM »
I always love your parks. They're always so unique and there's always a nice bit of humor thrown in to boot.
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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #39 on: February 05, 2019, 12:37 PM »
well you have your style, to adapt what you have seen and bring it into this game ;)

Well, if you say so.  I call it taking the easy way out ;)

I always love your parks. They're always so unique and there's always a nice bit of humor thrown in to boot.

Thank you very much!  If by 'unique' you mean 'wrong', then I must agree with you ;)
-Bullethead
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Offline shyguy

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #40 on: February 05, 2019, 02:28 PM »
If by 'unique' you mean 'wrong', then I must agree with you ;)
By 'unique', I mean different, imaginative, and always entertaining. :)
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Offline BBordewyk

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #41 on: February 06, 2019, 02:38 PM »
Very cool park! I see you labeled my lamp post, I was confused for a second why my name was in one of your screenshots.  ;D

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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #42 on: February 06, 2019, 06:44 PM »
By 'unique', I mean different, imaginative, and always entertaining. :)

Well, given that I'm the historical human norm with zero imagination while everybody else in this rarefied  atmosphere has decades of experience in park design, "different" and "unique",  in the context of SGW, are euphemisms for "wrong"  :D.  Which is totally OK with me as I know my place.  I'm just happy the doggerel I mix with my pics evokes the occasional chuckle  :up:

Very cool park! I see you labeled my lamp post, I was confused for a second why my name was in one of your screenshots.  ;D

It's my habit and custom to put signs on or near the Workshop items I use, to give credit to the authors.  As you have so many excellent lights and as I plan on using quite a few of them, I thought it best to give you credit up front :D.

BTW, do you like the acronym 'BALLS" for your various light packs?
« Last Edit: February 06, 2019, 06:47 PM by Bullethead »
-Bullethead
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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #43 on: February 07, 2019, 01:04 PM »
LOVE THIS!!!!! Such great storytelling and the atmosphere is sublime!
I think like I live like I work like I love.....voluminous and disjointed. Get used to it.

Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #44 on: February 10, 2019, 04:46 AM »
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"I think the BS part of our acronym is quite fitting and I doubt we could improve upon it."

You know something is funny when you're sitting alone in a house and you still do a literal laugh out loud.   :up:

I do like your acronym for BB's products, but shouldn't it be BBALLS?

With the BSI catalog of pre-built coasters, I imagine the actual park will go up rather quickly, and I'm looking forward to it (and the story that accompanies it all.)

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Offline Bullethead

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #45 on: February 12, 2019, 09:42 PM »
@Lux:  Thank you very much!  But personally, I think the atmosphere smells of cow pasture :).

@JP:  Glad you like!  I can slap a few coasters in here fairly easily, the problem is making all the stuff in between, which takes imagination I lack.  But I trust that the moonshine spirits will eventually guide me towards something :)
-Bullethead
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Offline Lenor

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Re: Pharqueson Farms Episode 3: Entrance Plaza
« Reply #46 on: February 13, 2019, 08:28 AM »
WoW !!  :O :up:

Love this Project, so many things you have think of :) Great Details and Lovely Map.
Hope to see more of this :P